The strangle hold you have on me, Coffee, is just not good. It is just not a good thing. We can’t go on like this. I love you then I hate you then I love you. But you? You are another story altogether: You make me think you love me, then you hate me, then you make me think you love me…..

And my belly and I are just about through with your hijinks and your shenanigans. Your disruption of my life is no longer worth it to me. I’m afraid, though, Coffee – that I can’t live without you.

Can I Quit You?

You are my cigarettes. You are my heroin. You are my hard-to-quit-asshole boyfriend.

I always thought I was so blessed that cigarettes were so easy for me to quit. Mark and I started talking about procreating, so I started tapering down and within about three months – ciggies were gone. Just gone. No big deal. There was no white-knuckle craving. There was no depression. There was no ‘Oh My Gawd! I just can’t do this!’ It was basically easy. The hardest ciggy to give up was the bedtime ciggy and I hung onto that little bugger for a few weeks. And then POOF – just let it go, too. No biggie.

But you, Coffee – you’re different. Oh yes, you have your claws in me but deep.

The hardest two cups of you, Coffee, to give up, will be the morning cup and the late afternoon cup. That is when I am next to completely powerless to ignore your conniving, manipulative advances. I simply must do this, though. I’m sorry, Coffee. We have to part ways.

OMG, Can I Do This?

I need a plan. I need fail-safe pillows of back-up options to catch me in my super weak moments.

• Diet Coke hurts me way less than you, Coffee. I will have to make sure to always have some on hand.
• And I will enlist my children’s help – to distract me and keep me occupied when the cravings hit.
• I was planning on getting my flowers and vegetable seeds planted today for a little bit of indoor growth before I move them outside. So I need to make sure I get that started, so I can have that to fuss with when I start to jones.
• Oh! And I haven’t done any crocheting since we’ve been in Alabama. I can definitely start some crocheting. I’ve been wanting a new phone cozy. And maybe a new small purse.
• I’ve just brought up my old scrapbooking gear to put together with that awesome package of scrapbooking gear I won from that cool blogger chick. I can get started dabbling in that!
• God knows I am, as usual, in the middle of reading too. many. books. at. once. I can grab one, go out back and sit in the warm spring air and READ! One of my very favorite activities!
• And I need to get back to taking walks and even just dancing around in front of the TV while I’m watching. I have been wanting to do that anyway, but, the other day I realized – Oh Em Gee! They are going to walk. our. butts. off. in Washington DC!!! I better get ready for that!! (Yes! I’m going to DC! In May – isn’t that awesome?? One more reason not to have constant stomach problems! Not to mention not having to bug my daughter’s teachers or the tour guides with, “I need some coffee – when can I get some coffee?”)
• And then, of course, there’s my dear, sweet 1500+ Twitter friends!! Sweet Twitter friends – will you help me? Follow LisaMarieMary on Twitter and you can offer me support, too!

But What About The Depression?

The last few times that I’ve tried to quit you, I’ve gotten morbidly depressed. That is definitely one very scary part about all of this. I will just have to warn all of the family, so that they can, one, be warned of any depression grumpiness, and two, try to be supportive of me as I go through it.

I have a feeling that if I can get through the first week, it won’t be quite so bad after that. Or at least the first two weeks.

I actually have this vision of being more energetic, less tied to a coffee pot, and maybe getting off of this weight-loss plateau I’ve been on for a couple of months. I also have this vision of being an extremely more productive worker. I don’t know – that’s just my vision. I could be wrong. It could be way different.

It will definitely be nice, though, to be able to leave the house without the whole run-around of ….’Wait! Have I had enough coffee? Should I take one with me? Can we get one after we’ve been out for a while? Because you know I can’t go too long without one – you know I’ll get grumpy and get a massive headache!’

What a drag all of that is! And speaking of headaches, migraines in particular, I’ve been in the middle of a really BAD spell of them since December. Cannot seem to shake them. So this could be a real PLUS in the migraine department, as well!

Ok, Coffee – you’ve been ‘Dear John’d’ – now get the hell outta here!! *hands on hips*